I was wondering what I would write about today because currently I don’t feel shameful about anything I’m doing or anything I’ve done in the past, but for some reason as I’m reading about the solar plexus chakra and the connection to self esteem and to our will. Also learning that when it is unbalanced that we tend to get sluggish or overly ambitious among other things. I realized I was experiencing all these, but yet I don’t actually feel the shame side of it, almost like it’s not really my shame but I’m having the symptoms. Have you ever felt like things are happening to you that truly don’t make any sense, like burdens of past generations are being carried into this life time and you just don’t know what to do? I’m looking at shame wondering why this is my burden and I reflect on the reality of my mom, and the history of the darker nations.
Imagine being a people of great hope, of contentment, of strength in community and then, someone comes along to tell you that you should strive for more because what you have isn’t good enough. One time may not get you to change the way you live but over and over, years after years, generations after generations, of hearing this same message, our spirit, mind and body will feel its impact. At a point, the conditioning has not only been implanted in your mind but also in your DNA, there is more work to be done, than simply saying I no longer want to feel ashamed of my being. There is healing work that actually needs to be done, because instead of an individual’s chakra being out of balance, an entire generation’s chakra is out of balance and yes, now we have to fix it.
I’ll share my moms story which helped me to understand this issue. My mom was always a very independent person. From a young age she was creative, spent a lot of time outside the home with cousins and friends. She had her own direction, being a part of pageants, designing her own clothes, working as a hairstylist and a socialite before it was a thing. She exercised her will happily, making her younger days her glory days because it was the life she knew she wanted to live. She continued living this way with support from her dad who she said she was really close to, and the loss of him was not just the loss of a parent it was the loss of someone who supported her freedom. I believe from that day, there was a need curated where the family had to be around to support the aftermath of his untimely death and the feelings that come from it, which wasn’t something she was used to. There was no support for her to be free or at least it was changing and she didn’t know exactly how to deal with that. Merlyn was now a mother and she was in a committed relationship with my dad, she had my siblings to take care of, in addition to suddenly relocating to Canada; a place she knew little about and where freedom as she knew it, was likely to be more stifled. I’m making assumptions now, that the shame she had to feel came from leaving her family in Trinidad while still technically dealing with the death of her dad, shame from herself for choosing to live by someone else’s direction instead of really taking time to understand what it meant for her and shame from what would appear to be choosing to leave one family for another without being officially married.
Now as I’m older I’m making similar decisions to leave her to be on my own and to explore, my dad understands but my mom can’t because she wants to protect me from the shame she felt in making all of the decisions she had. I understand. But as I see this now I’m also aware that she is not the only one, that generations of women have left their family because that’s how marriage is set up and those who leave without a ring are shunned and shamed. Now I look at the men who leave their families regardless of marriage, they are enabled to exercise their freedom as they make decisions that honour their direction. That shame put on an entire sex, is also a shame passed onto the children of those women, that’s us, all of us.
Today so many of us are dealing with self esteem issues, we’re afraid of exercising our will to its fullest extent, we’re indecisive and we overthink everything! We’re seeing the culmination of generations of shame and we’re battling the diseases caused by it. Why do we feel perfect in our heart but told the opposite by everyone else and shown this in the media? What do we do about this disconnect between our true selves and society today? I don’t have all the answers because I am one person, but I have 10 ideas
- Give people space to be free and to make their own decisions
- Find contentment in what you have now, and have gratitude in what you are given
- Claim your personal power
- Honour your personal power
- Take risks unapologetically
- Never filter your life
- Stand up for what you believe in
- Believe in yourself more than you believe in science
- When making a comment about or toward someone, say it as if you’re commenting on yourself.
- Never accept a single story of what freedom looks like and make your own story of freedom
If you have anything to add to this list I would love to hear it and you can leave a comment below or send me an email. As a generation we know about all these feelings, but we don’t always know how to articulate ways to deal with them. That’s all for today. See you next week for another blog post on creating peace in 2018.