The other day, my friend said that she didn’t really know how to nurture her daughter when she was born into this world. She knew that this little one depended on her and so she had to care for her. It’s only been in the last while that she feels she understands what being a mother is, how to nurture someone and how her life really intertwines with this child of hers, it’s not just about raising her, it’s about growing together and understanding each other, accepting her child as part of her life and acceptance that her child is who she is, regardless of how difficult it maybe at times.
As I reflect intensely this December about the year 2017, I think about just how far along I’ve come as this person everyone knows and how cool it is to have a genuine knowledge of self. But now I’m in the birthing process of my higher vibration self. This next stage in my life where I am a woman, where I embody everything my soul needs and everything I ever wanted. You would think this discovery would be a beautiful transition, like the typical story of having a baby, but this is the part they don’t show, the much harder and painful part of having no idea what’s next and saying goodbye to the life you had before.
Up until this year I was getting to the point where I knew exactly who I was and what I stood for. Melissa the revolutionary, Pro black girl with the fro who sings karaoke (that may never change) wants everyone to get together and have a good time, super intelligent, great speaker and just this really kind, sweet air sign. I’m just thinking wow, at 30 years old, I know myself that well! Some people take lifetimes to get here! I finally felt a real love for myself this year and I told everyone guess what, you can love yourself fully too. Unfortunately the thing is, my throat chakra (communication) was severely constricted this whole time because of a past life death that kept me from fully expressing. This trauma kept who I’m becoming at bay since I was not ready to take a real leadership role in my life and it was easier to be known as the insightful well spoken young black girl who is going somewhere, than to accept that I was even more than that.
In all honestly who I was worked in my favour because it gave me the chance to experience things from a different perspective and it gave me the chance to get into spaces because I wouldn’t shake the ship, so thank you to the old me because yes you served a purpose and till now, you served my highest good.
But now, as I’m becoming and birthing the next version of me, I’m happy and sad, I’m scared AF because I don’t know exactly what I will be like, I don’t know how I’ll talk to people, how my friendships will continue and whether I’ll even like this new me. I know nothing about me. I’m literally at ground 0 today! 30 years on this planet and I’m at the beginning of it all.
I knew this day was coming and as it got closer I could feel the intense emotions building up and preparing my body to give birth, strategically people I love said exactly what I needed to hear which showed me that the elements of my spirit that give me a glimpse into my soul, would not be lost in this transition. They showed me the love that God has always held for me and the unconditional support that my spirit squad and mother Earth has for me. They stepped in to remind me that it will be okay. They also reminded me that through transition they know me, which means at the most basic level (my soul) I know me too.
So while some things may die, the real miracle and magic is in the resurrection, that is to say babies get the best of both parents, so I’m now the best of all my experiences. Who I’m becoming is something very new for me, so I know for a fact I don’t have all the answers but I will discover them. I don’t know if I will enjoy the same things I used to enjoy but I can experiment and see. I don’t really know how to nurture me, or love me fully because that’s just part of the process of giving birth, but I have to live with me and I will learn along the way. This transitional period can steal your hopes for the future if you feel unsupported but we’re not, and I know for sure I have immense support physical and non physical. As this path is carved out with very different tools: a much clearer voice and Lion-heart bravery, I hope I don’t trip as much, I’ll probably flow through life a lot easier hopefully…. regardless,
I accept and I welcome me.
By the way, I want to say thanks to my whole team of friends who continue to accept that we never really know, because we get to navigate the unknown together.